The Friesen's House of Payne

I've never watched "Tyler Perry's House of Payne" and I don't think I need to.  I don't know who or what his "Payne" was but I have enough of it right here.  I don't need anyone else's.  Come to think of it though, they look like they're having fun, especially the little super girl holding up her end of the couch.  That was me when I was a kid.  Trying to hold up the rest of the family and make them happy because they seemed kind of unhappy a lot.  Family comedian and all that.  But, I digress.....

I'm really here to talk about my struggle with pain. I just re-read my November 7, 2011 post where I was also complaining about my pain.  Since then it got so bad that I went  back to the ortho surgeon.  They took X-rays and all the hardware is where he wants it to be--by the way, the rod goes down through the middle of my bone rather than sitting beside it, with a screw on the top holding it all in place.  My patella has completely fused back together and so I'm just continuing to bend it--slowly and with as much force as I can. I wonder what it will look like when the swelling goes down.  It's only 4/5 of it's original size.  I think I'm having "phantom itches" where they took out that stray piece of kneecap--weird)  The doctor even suggested that Dave push on the lower leg when I exercise.  That does not feel very nice.  I have noticed improvement though and now I'm past 90 degrees.  Doc said to go to 120 degrees and bring the knee to my chest.  Not there yet.

 

In addition to the knee discussion, my doctor also said to wait on PT for now becasue the increased activity may have aggravated my hip.  The bone has not completely healed and he's concerned about that.  In most patients it would have knit together very nicely by now, but it's being pokey--it should have knit a sweater but now but I'm stuck with just a scarf!  The pain apparently isn't "normal" for this stage of healing.  He said to go back to 50% weight bearing instead of 100% and rest the hip for a while to see what happens.  It's now 8 days later and there hasn't been an improvement.  I have been debating on what to do and have been talking about it to the Great Physician for a while and not getting a clear answer.

This morning I checked my email and got an answer.  Someone I know (older than me) has just returned home after surgery for a broken hip and is using a walker without pain.  "How could that be???" I asked myself.  "I'm almost 10 weeks post-op and can barely move my leg without pain!!!"  It didn't take me long to get my phone and put in a call to my doctor's office.  I'm waiting for a call back now. (They're one of the rare offices who does get back in a timely fashion--Yea!!)

Of course I'm second guessing (just a little) because I don't know what I'll tell them.  I just want to trouble shoot a bit.  My concern is that it may be related to the nerve involvement that I had with my back surgeries in 2004.  I haven't lost function in my leg like I did then but do have similar pain.  I just am trying to talk this out to see if it's logical and I think it is.  If this pain is still normal I will stick it out.  I can do that.  If not then it needs to get fixed.

The other day when I was praying I told God that I'm OK with everything that's happened to classify mysef as "handicapped".  I don't begrudge Him any of that and have made peace with it.  I will continue to use it as a way to get closer to Him and honor Him.  In fact, lots of good has come as a result, the most obvious one being the Assurance Support Group at church.  I did tell Him though that if at all possible, TAKE THE PAIN AWAY, please.  I've asked Him for guidance in contacting the doc and in handling the predicimant I find myself in right now. 

I'll get through this just fine, I know that without a doubt.  I always do.  It's just the here and now that is a bit unbearable.  In the meantime I broke the rules and called the dogs up on the bed with me and am Resting with a capital R!  If anyone reading this has a gift of prayer please remember this pathetic 58 year old momma.  It will come back to you in a good way; prayer for others is good for our souls!

Thank you for listening and reading.  I feel a bit better getting it all out in black and white.  Now I'll wait for the next move.

The Six Legged Beast Is In The Hosue

Note to Reader: I'm cleaning house in my blog. This is a draft I found that I had written 9/18/11.  It's out of place here but I'm publishing it anyway.

Our house is now completely quiet only interrupted by our killer dogs barking at a cat lurking in our yard.  It's a jungle out there, or at least you would think so hearing those beasts with their deadly barking and carrying on.  The combined weight of the dogs is less than 20 pounds so they're just showing off for me.  

One really strange thing has been their reactions to this new 6 legged creature in their house.  They're still a little scared of the walker.  When I first got home they acted really funny.  I think they thought I had died.  They were present at "the scene" and saw all the evidence of a traumatic event.  They greeted me timidly when I got home.  The first time I got up to walk with the walker with them present, I was in quite a bit of pain and was kind of vocally expressive.   They were standing on a chair dead still, eyes as big as saucers, heads cocked just blankly staring at me.  I wish I had taken a picture.  The love and concern on their faces melted my heart.  They've been so good around me--so careful not to step on the broken leg. We take lots of cuddly naps together.

A Prayer for You

Next Sunday morning my friend Susan and I are reciting the following passage (from memory!) at church.  We're in a sermon series on Ephesians and our pastor challenged us to learn the entire book.  We as a body are breaking it down and each learning a section...then we can all say we've memorized the book by proxy.  This is a prayer for the Ephesians but I consider it a prayer for me and a prayer for my children and friends and for anyone who needs prayer.  If you put a name in place of the bold words,  that's a personal prayer.  I find it a very meaningful way to pray.  It's helped me through some very trying "mommy moments".

Ephesians 3:14-21

New International Version (NIV)

A Prayer for the Ephesians

 ¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your heart(s) through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!       Amen.

Musings on Pain

I've been recuperating from my failed flight lesson for two months now.  It seems like two years.  It's really been a l-o-n-g ordeal.  But, on the other hand, all I have to do is look out my back patio door and see my landing pad and it all comes rushing in like it was yesterday.  There have been so many emotional ups and downs during this time.  Any little change feels like I'm making a lot of progress but when I start feeling like I'm going backwards I remember all the initial pain and get scared.  Will I always have pain?  I know the answer to this question all too well.  I was always in pain even before my body broke to bits.  But that was a dull, always present pain scattered around various places in my body.  The pain associated with my injuries now is very local and it stabs and burns and throbs.  I guess it's worse than my "regular" pain because my other aches and pains are taking a backseat.  Weird, but it's my body's way of coping.  It's a good thing because with everything shouting and yelling at me I wouldn't be able to get out of bed!  No kidding!

I find myself complaining a lot.  I moan and groan and holler sometimes.  I guess it's more than sometimes because while Dave and the dogs at first were very concerned and shaken by all the noise, they now they just continue going along, doing their own business and ignore it.  That's not to say they are without compassion, they're just used to it by now.  The worst pain is connected to my broken hip.  The rod placement down the side of my femur really is hurting.  I guess the point is to have the bone grow around it and make it all part of my anatomy.  The screws up top hold my femur to the hip joint.  Since I've been working with PT that area has really woken up and is not pleased.  It's really sensitive to touch (or the foot of an 8# pound puppy).  

But, the knee aches, too.  I'm supposed to be aggressive when I try to bend it.  I have gone from a 40 degree bend to an 82 degree bend in a couple of weeks so it is stretching but it is the strangest feeling.  I can feel the ligament over the patella stretch like a big rubber band (which is what it is, I guess) and then when it's gone as far as it can it just stops--frozen, done.  There are ways to stretch it further and by keeping up with exercises it becomes easier.  Did I just say "easier"?  That word never really belongs in a paragraph about physical therapy!  It becomes less annoyingly painful.  How's that?

My friends happily take me to therapy and I love staying in touch with them during that brief time.  It's good to get out of the house, too.  I really think that my therapers are marvelous and are helping me a lot.  They're the ones who I need right now.  I learn so much from each session and the environment is so friendly that we therapees learn from each other, too.

Also, even at this late date as I reflect on my injuries I'm still very thankful for them.  It could have been so much worse.  When I look at the scar on my left leg I remember that it came so close to the bone.  So much more damage could have happened to my foot and being my "good" foot, I need it at 100 percent!  My other injuries will heal and that right leg will be a bit more lame than before but I'll still be able to get around by myself.  That's important.  I'm not sure how the pain situation will level out but that's something that can be dealt with, too.  All in all, when I complain it's just the pain talking.  That's what I tell Dave when I snap at him but that doesn't really make him feel better.  I just want to be thankful for my spared life and for Dave's presence here and his willingness to do things for me that he'd rather not have to do.  We're getting to the age where it's hard enough taking care of ourselves.  As his Parkinson's Disease progresses we realize that someday I may be taking care of him.  We're trying to be brave and face those facts and prepare ourselves.  But in the meantime, we're going to be even more diligent in taking care of ourselves.